Cute Burp Cloths

Here's a few cute burp cloths made with thick 6-ply cloth diapers. Very absorbent!

Cute pink & white birds burp cloth

Colorful lions burp cloth

Updated Ovidrel Test - 24 hours after trigger

The bottom test in the picture is a pregnancy test 24 hours after injecting the Ovidrel trigger. Getting darker!

Ovidrel experiment

So I know that I lot of people take the Ovidrel trigger shot, and end up testing it out of their system. Ovidrel is a form of HCG, the hormone that causes pregnancy tests to pop positive. So after you inject yourself with the trigger shot, you'll have positive tests for a while depending on how much you've taken.

My dose was Ovidrel 250, here are a few pics 7 hours after injecting, and 12 hours after injecting. There is also an OPK (ovulation) test way at the bottom I took along with the 12 hour tests. (Tested in a separate cup)

I'll be testing daily from now on to follow the Ovidrel and see how the tests progress.

Change of Plans

I went for my saline sonogram this week in preparation for IVF coming up in January, which caused a hefty change of plans! The Dr. found a polyp or fibroid in my uterus, and recommended having it removed before continuing with IVF. Actually, he suggested that I continue at least 3 more IUIs after it's removed, because it could be what's been preventing me from getting pregnant for the last couple years after my miscarriages.

Interesting that regular ultrasounds and even the HSG dye procedure did not see it in there. The saline sonogram was honestly a quick and painless procedure, I wish I had gotten it much sooner. Things like this are what frustrate me, I could have handled this problem so much sooner. The Dr. apologized for giving me the bad news, but I ended up telling him it was bittersweet because at this point bad news is better than no news. At least I've finally found something I can act on.

I'm going to need a hysteroscopy, and removal technique will depend on if they find a polyp or fibroid. From what I can tell, a polyp would be a better deal since it's just an overgrowth of the outer endometrium. A fibroid, on the other hand, can be from deep inside the muscle and require a bit more work and can complicate future pregnancies as the uterine wall could be weakened. I'm crossing my fingers that it's a polyp.

On a completely unrelated note, my Vitamin D levels were very low. I take a prenatal every day that includes Vitamin D, so it was a little surprising. It could have something to do with the fact that I work nights. I looked into extra Vitamin D supplementation, or possibly going to a tanning salon a few times a month. I'll need to find out if the beds around here radiate UVB, which is what prompts production of Vitamin D.

Need some cotton fabric?

I have a bunch of fat quarters and some 1 yard cuts I don't anticipate using in the near future, so I've decided to auction it all off on ebay. Here's the link:

Cotton Fabric 25+ yards

These would be perfect for practicing (or making!) burp cloths or even quilted blankets.

P.S. - For those of you who obsess over makeup, I also have another listing for a TON of makeup, lots of it brand new and higher end items! Take a look!

Catching Up - It Was BFN

So... I happened to get some false positive pregnancy tests on the last IUI. Very heartbreaking to feel so hopeful and find out it was just a bad batch of Wondfos. I mean, I knew they had evap lines but these last two tests gave an obvious dark and pink line compared to a normal evaporation line. I searched the batch number W00121086-3 and found a bunch of other people had problems with these tests. Then I found that there were other batch lots that had issues. Suddenly, Wondfo doesn't sound like a brand I want to purchase any more.

I ended up buying some tests from Early-Pregnancy-Tests.com instead of more Wondfos. These are significantly thicker than other cheapie tests I've bought. I'll have to take a picture of the tests side-by-side when it's time to start testing again. I think I'll stick with them for now until they give me a reason to switch.

In other news, my Dr. agreed to let me do a round of injectibles this time with the IUI! Well, I'll be doing Femara and injectibles.. he didn't want to go too crazy since I'm under 35 and my AMH is great. I'm supposed to take 5 days' worth of Femara and then 3 days of injectibles. Then I'll get an ultrasound scan the next day to see where I'm at. This will be the first time I get a scan to see my follicles, I'm kind of excited. Of course my chance for twins doubles compared to when I was taking Clomid, which was already more than double a normal cycle.

NFL Patriots Burp Cloths

I've been busy! Set of 2 Patriots burp cloths 100% cotton backed in terry cloth. Measures approx. 17" x 9"

NFL Patriots Burp Cloths

New Baby Blanket - Blue Owls

I finished another baby blanket, and this one is listed on Etsy now. It's cute blue and brown owls with "I Love Mommy I Love Daddy" on the inside fabric.

Here's a link to the listing if you're interested! And a coupon to save 10% off of $20+ just enter code scblog10

Blue Owl Baby Blanket

I think.... It's not an evap

What do you think? It's a Wondfo, the same one that gave me evaps last month. But this is pretty dark compared to those. I may break down and test with a First Response test later tonight.

Remember Me - Xbox

Just got done playing Remember Me on Xbox for a couple hours. Not a bad game, I was worried I wouldn't like the game play but it's pretty addictive. You play a former "memory hunter" who has her memory erased. This is the beginning of the story line.

You start to gain a few memories here and there as you play. You gain experience with kills, and you can "buy" pressers to make combo moves. Pressers are pretty much moves that you attack with. There are scenes where you can alter someone's memory and change fate. In the start, a bounty hunter is after you for the bounty on your head from escaping. She needs the bounty because her husband is very sick and the memory company needs more money to keep treating him. Once she attacks you and you read her memories, you are able to rewind time in the instance where she is watching the doctor treat her husband and informing her that it will cost more. You change a few things, and the doctor ends up killing him. No need for a bounty, and now the bounty hunter wants revenge on the company, which turns her to your side.

I can only imagine that the story line expands out in a similar way to the small amount of time I spent playing. I'm hoping that it does, because so far the game has kept my attention!

Other titles I like (to get a feel for my flavor of games) include: Assassin's Creed, Dragon Age, XCOM, Civilization Revolution, Kingdoms of Amalur, Tomb Raider (newest one). There's many more, but I just wanted to give an idea.

P.S. This really helped me get over DPO 8! ;)

Cute baby fabric

Ok, here's the fabric I picked to get started on my projects. Aren't they so cute! Blankets and burp cloths galore! I'm making some curved burp cloths with a soft sherpa backing, and some with cloth diaper material backing.

IUI #2

IUI #2 was done on Saturday, just about 4 DPO now. This IUI went better than the first one, I actually had my surge in the morning so I didn't have to wait a day and a half. Unfortunately, it came a day early. I was planning on CD 16 instead of 15, and I took Saturday off work so I could make it in on time since I work nights. Schedule aside, everything went smoothly. I'm hoping to not start testing until at least 10 DPO. But we'll see. ;)

I also got my shipment of new fabric in, excited to start making the blanket and burp cloths. I'll post up a few pictures of the fabric tomorrow

Cute Wry Baby Pictures

As I was perusing StumbleUpon (have you been there? It's great, you can get lost in websites for weeks!) I came across some really cute pictures from Wry Baby. They have some cute stuff! I can't wait until I'm finally ready to start buying baby stuff. Take a look at these hilarious images:

Safe Baby Handling Tips by Wry Baby founders David and Kelly Sopp

Unique ways to fund IVF

So as I was sitting here thinking about ways to rearrange the budget, I came across a website for donations: GoGetFunding.com. People post their stories, can offer rewards for certain donations, and it allows donations as low as $1.00.

I know people who throw away more than that in change in a day. I figured it couldn't hurt and I made an account and put a link on my blog. I even added my baby blankets as a reward! :)

I really don't want to ask family and friends, I don't want them to feel pressured to give money based off of a personal relationship. I'd rather have someone WANT to donate for a good cause. I poked around a little and I even donated $1.00 to another couple who are trying for IVF. It's only a dollar but I just wanted them to know I was thinking of them.

New IVF news!

Maybe it's because I work with new moms and babies all night long, but once I got the IVF bug in my brain I had to get the information right away. I'm glad I did, because the IVF program at Ft. Bragg has cycles 4 times a year and the next one is in January. I called to get some information about it, and got myself put on the list for the cycle! This will give me time to still attempt the next IUI, and possibly even a third. I'm going to see what my current reproductive endocrinologist says about it before I decide to do a 3rd IUI.

I'm blessed being a military nurse in that I can take advantage of Ft. Bragg's IVF program. While it is expensive, most of the cost of the medications will be covered. Depending on what procedures we will need during the cycle (ICSI, assisted hatching, freezing embryos) it will cost anywhere from $5,500 to $10,000. I'm really hoping we won't need the assistance of ISCI or AH and it will be on the low end. It's a shame that most of the insurance companies in the U.S. don't cover fertility procedures like IUI and IVF. (Yes, I have to pay for IUI out of pocket too) It's even scarier that IVF done out in town (non-military) is probably close to double the amount I will have to pay, because the medications can cost close to $10,000 alone!

I started a savings account with Smarty Pig and made the goal $10,000. You need a $10.00 minimum to fund the goal, so that's where we're at! Haha not really, we do have some money saved but I haven't deposited it in there just yet. I've been thinking about ways to raise some extra money for the procedure, and sewing baby blankets has crossed my mind a few times. My friend and I sewed some blankets for a silent auction and one for our boss for her new baby. Everyone at work loved them and they are so soft! The ones in the picture are made from flannel. We also made matching pacifier clips with cute ribbon and snaps! What do you think?

AF arrival

Well AF (Aunt Flo - my period) arrived today. I know I already felt negative and "out" days ago, but it still doesn't lessen the blow. And so begins the cycle again, this will be the low point of my month. I will allow myself to grieve and then move on. I know from experience that trying to ignore the pain and try to fast forward to the healing will only prolong and deepen the sorrow when I finally give in to it. Just let go.

We will do another cycle of IUI with Clomid. I think that I want to start looking into IVF. I don't want to do more than 3 cycles of IUI. If I'm going to be spending all this money out of pocket there's no point in continuing with a procedure that's not working. All the statistics drop significantly after your 3rd IUI cycle.

10 DPO & Yoga!

So... I held out pretty long compared to how I usually obsess. Actually, my girlfriend was the one who pressured me into testing early. Very early. Like 6 DPO early. I knew nothing would show, but I wanted to see what the new test strips looked like. FYI, I think I'll keep looking for a different brand of internet cheapies. These were toothpick skinny! However they don't have the crazy evaporation lines going on like the Wondfos do for me. This brand I think is called Blue Cross. I got them both on ebay.

I used to buy my strips from babywishes.org but the last order I placed with them they never sent out and never responded to my e-mails. I finally had to open a ticket with their payment processing company, CCNow. They ended up refunding my money since no one ever got in touch with me after a month. It's a shame, those babywishes sticks were nice and thick with minimal evap lines. I wish I knew the brand name so I could find another place to buy them. The hunt goes on!

Anyways... since the floodgates were opened by my friend, I decided to continue using the sticks. I didn't see ANYTHING until DPO 10. I thought I saw a hint of a line, and even my husband who usually rolls his eyes at my obsession said he thought he saw something. After it dried, there was no more hint of a line. I have to say I've been feeling overwhelmingly negative about this cycle and I don't know why.

I also signed up for Yoga. My first class was a hot yoga, it was pretty intense in a good way. I don't usually sweat when I workout so it was actually a welcoming feeling with all that sweat dripping down my face and body! I like that they also do pregnancy classes and modifications, so whenever my body decides to get with the program I can still continue the classes.

3 DPO - Or 3 days post ovulation & IUI!

Three days down, 11 more to go! I don't think I'm going to make it to the 14 day mark. I'm usually starting my testing around DPO 7 or 8. I know most likely it's early and there's high risk for evaporation lines on the cheap internet tests (ICs) but I can't help it! Plus I think I enjoy seeing the progression of lines.

I still have two of my collections from past miscarriages (one chemical pregnancy, where you get positive pregnancy tests but the miscarriage happens very early on). I'm not sure why I kept them all this time, but it just dawned on me that maybe other people might benefit from seeing them. Since the sticks are already dry, it's hard to see the beginning of a line on the early dates, but I only started collecting the sticks that I thought I saw a line when I squinted. That seems to be around DPO 9 for me!

The set of blue sticks was my 8 week miscarriage. It was devastating, because I went in early to confirm and we were able to see the heartbeat a little over 6 weeks. Sadly, I started spotting and bleeding and there was no more heartbeat on the next ultrasound  at 8-9 weeks.

This is the first time I am sharing this picture, I keep it in my desk drawer to remind me that this infertility is temporary. It's very personal and I decided I wanted to share what I could on this blog in hopes that maybe I could help at least one person out in their quest. It might be interesting to look back on everything later.

IUI update!

So, it's been a while since updating. Today was our first ever IUI + Clomid. I meant to make a post a few days ago about the Clomid, but I blame the hormones on not doing it, haha! The medicine wasn't *too* bad, although it did make me extra emotional. I didn't have the crazy physical side effects people talk about, so I guess I was lucky there. Maybe a few headaches, but not even enough to make me think the two were related.

My RE gave me a packet of paperwork about the IUI and how to handle everything and when to schedule the sperm washing and actual IUI based off of when your ovulation stick tests positive. Now, I normally use cheap ovulation (OPK) sticks and start using them twice a day starting around day 12. My LH surge has been on day 16 for months now. The paperwork told me to use the Clearblue Easy sticks, the ones with the smiley faces on them, and only do it once a day in the morning. Ok, here's where I turn into a bad patient. I work nights, so I had to pee before bed around 8-9am. Your LH surge usually doesn't hit until about 12-2pm. I NEARLY MISSED MY SURGE listening to their directions. It came up with no smiley face cycle day 16, so I decided to take another one a few hours later after I slept a bit. Smiley face. Of course, it was too late to call the office as they were closed already. So I waited and tried to hold my urine so I could catch another smiley face "technically" on the next day. I only lasted until about 30 minutes after midnight. Hey, still a new day right? NO SMILEY FACE. So if I would have waited until day 17 I wouldn't have gotten my surge info. I got maybe 6-8 hours window with those sticks. But I tried using the cheap OPK sticks and my surge showed up on those MUCH longer. Moral of the story: should I need to monitor my LH surge again I'll be using both sticks and doing multiple times a day. This is my time and my money.

Since I didn't get my surge until late on day 16, I ended up doing my IUI on the morning of day 18. This timing makes me really nervous, but I did find some info that doing the IUI 24-48 hours from your surge is ideal. I think we were right around 40 hours or so. I haven't had any monitoring to see exactly when I ovulate so I don't know when my egg is released after the surge. I'm going to hope it's on the longer end at least for this IUI. We did have sex 2 days before the surge as well, for a little insurance. I didn't want to push it, as I didn't want the sperm sample to be weak for the IUI.

Speaking of samples... wow that was quite an experience! We live about an hour and a half away from the lab & office. So that means we had to wake up before the crack of dawn, get the sample, and drive straight there to drop it off. I was so paranoid I wouldn't let my husband stop for coffee or anything. I made him leave just a touch early too, in case we hit traffic. Then, when we arrived early to the lab I wouldn't let him leave the parking lot until we dropped off the sample that I was keeping warm between my legs. I'm sure I wasn't his biggest fan!

The lab said as long as we got there within 2 hours we would be fine, and we did. It took about an hour for them to do the washing, and the RE office said that everything looked fine. I'm kind of irritated I didn't get any numbers about the sample though. The actual procedure took a whole 30 seconds and wasn't bad at all. If  you remember my HSG experience from hell, this was nothing compared to that. Some slight cramping and a little bit of spotting after I got home. That's it.

So, the biggest pain now will be to wait until 14 days so I can see if I get a BFP!!! Of course, I definitely won't wait the full 14 days to start testing like a mad woman!

The wheel has started to turn

So... I finally had my RE appointment this week. Lots of talking, lots of blood tubes taken. But the main thing is... I am getting set up for IUI with fertility drugs. I am so relieved that this doctor was all about moving forward and not dismissing my problems like every other doctor has done. The referral to him was quite a gift.

I get to go back in 3 weeks to go over the test results and have a sonogram. Then I'm hoping I'll be able to plan for the next cycle to do IUI. We have to pay out of pocket, but at this point I don't care. I just hope everything turns out peaches and we won't have to approach the IVF route.

What you don't understand is...

I'm so sick and tired of being stressed out and depressed about infertility. To be honest, I have no idea how we got from first trying to 4 years later. I still remember after my first miscarriage visiting the fertility forums and seeing these people write about their cycles, trials, and losses. It was something I just wasn't able to relate to. I felt pity, but I wasn't truly able to empathize with them in the beginning.

No one tells you just how deep it goes, or if they do you just can't fathom it. Everything suffers. Your days, weeks and months are all focused around your monthly cycle (if you're lucky enough to have one) and there's no escaping without feeling guilty for not doing everything you could that month for a chance at that coveted BFP. People around you trying to sell off the whole "maybe it's stress" idea. Yeah, it's stress. When you wake up every day at the same time to take your temperature. When you pee on sticks multiple times a day. When you schedule the days you and your partner have sex. When you sit through 2 weeks of hell to find out if it worked. When you can finally drink that glass of wine after getting your period because that's your consolation prize. When you realize it's time to start all over again. It's all stress, but stress didn't get me here. I can't escape at home, and I can't escape at work. My work involves taking care of new mothers and their infants. I'm happy for each and every one of them, and I manage to keep most of my emotions in check while at work. But it still hurts every minute of every day.

Now I have finally started getting some answers to my problems, I focus on researching everything I can about it. In fact, my tenacity to do so is probably the only reason I have the answers I do right now. It keeps my brain working, and keeps me focused on solutions rather than emotions I just can't control. It's my release, my secret haven of hope that I have the ability to fix everything if I just find the right information. So excuse me for not taking my mind off of it, it's just not that easy.

Has it really been over 4 years?

Yes, over 4 years ago is when we got married. Kids weren't the #1 priority at the time, but I would say it was up there in the large decision making department. Fast forward now, and that's why I'm posting all this. A central location to have everything (details and thoughts) in one place.

Around 2-3 years ago is when I had the "big" miscarriage, the one at 8-9 weeks. I was charting at this time and caught it early, so I got to get an early ultrasound and saw the heartbeat around 6 1/2 weeks. Then I started spotting, no more heartbeat. There were a couple others a little sooner than that. One even right before the 8-9 week one. At that time, the OB doctor told me not to worry, things happen. He said they don't do any testing until you have at least 3 that are around that gestational age. I even went to another OB for a second opinion about testing, and he said the same thing.

It's been a couple years now, and no pregnancies. Not for lack of trying, I'm still charting and using ovulation (OPK) tests. Went to my doctor (new area, new job, new doctors) about it, and got some tests done and a referral to an OB - who did more tests.

One thing I noticed was my TSH level, it was 3.66. If you research TSH levels, you'll find different reference values. I think up until 2003 a TSH below 5 was still considered normal. But now there are endocrinologist groups pushing to get that level max changed to 3. In fact, women trying to get pregnant and those already pregnant have even more stringent levels - 2 to 2.5 MAX. I looked back on my previous TSH levels since 2007, not one of them under 2.5. Wow. How many doctors looked at this and assumed normal? Perhaps without obvious symptoms, but what about when I was experiencing the miscarriages? My free T4 is on the low-end of normal. Some people describe my thyroid issue as subclinical hypothyroidism. I did get tested for the thyroid antibodies, which came back normal.

In the middle of testing, I discovered my breasts were lactating. With no kids and not being pregnant, it was quite the surprise. My previous prolactin level was 19.1 and after the discovery I caught an OB during work to order another. This time it was 37.1. While 19.1 is still considered normal to my lab I've seen a lot of discussion that it should be lower, as close to 0 as possible.

I discussed all this with a coworker who mentioned the possibility of a pituitary tumor, which are actually pretty common. I took my concerns to a provider about the TSH and the galactorrhea and SLEW of printed journal articles highlighted about TSH levels and pregnancy. She barely gave the paperwork a glance, and tried to give me the usual "that's normal" speech. Maybe 4 years ago I would have felt foolish and listened to the doctors trying to tell me I shouldn't worry. Sorry, I've been around the block a few times. If you aren't even going to acknowledge my research, then you obviously have no interest in breaking out of your mundane daily appointments and actually listening to someone else. I pushed enough to get her to order another thyroid panel and a beta pregnancy test that I already knew would be negative.

She called me back that morning, the TSH had risen to 4.33 which is above my lab's normal max value of 3.74. Now I got the MRI ordered that I had wanted in the first place. The MRI report said "evaluation of the pituitary gland demonstrates a very subtle region of non-enhancement measuring approximately 4 mm within the rightward aspect of the pituitary without evidence of mass effect." That made me think about playing Mass Effect on my xbox for about 5 seconds. Hehe. The impression reads, "very subtle region of non-enhancement within the rightward anterior pituitary without mass effect. Cannot definitively exclude occult pituitary microadenoma."

I saw my regular provider before getting that MRI done, and he agreed to look into my research about the TSH, and subsequently said he would consider me as subclinical hypothyroid and agreed to put me on Synthroid 25mcg daily for now. After getting the MRI, he wasn't really sure what to make of it and deferred it to the reproductive endocrinologist I'm going to be seeing in August. I'm also getting thyroid panel and prolactin ran again the end of this month so I have something to take with me to see if the Synthroid is doing anything yet. I'm still able to express a small amount of milk. I don't do it often, as I know the stimulation can increase prolactin levels but I have to check every now and then to see if it's still there.