21 weeks 6 days

Is it possible for the time to seem to go by quickly and slowly all at once? Because that's how I've been feeling lately! When I think back to starting the IVF cycle, it seems like yesterday, but I'm also watching the time tick by waiting to enter the third trimester as well. Of course, I'm sure I'll want time to stop as my due date gets closer.

Yesterday was amazing. I was sitting on the couch feeling little kicks and punches. They're getting a bit stronger now, but I still can't feel them from the outside yet. As I was sitting there watching my stomach, she kicked a nice one right in the center of my belly and I saw the bump on my shirt! I laughed out loud and it made me smile! I'll just consider that my Christmas present from her to me.

19 weeks 6 days

19 weeks and 6 days today, halfway there! Had a quick appointment today with my doctor. Everything went well, my uterus is measuring just at the belly button. I did find out from my MFM appointment last week that baby girl has a 2 vessel cord. I was kind of upset that they didn't tell me during the appointment. It's can be a big deal, but most babies come out perfectly normal. There's just some risks for certain issues such as missing kidneys, low birth weight, and during labor the contractions can cause a little more stress than usual on baby.

Thankfully, the kidneys and other organs were all visualized at my appointment and her growth was right on track. I'm thinking positive and not worrying about it too much unless I get a reason too down the line.

Only 2 more weeks left of work before vacation time, can't wait! Oh I also got a new camera to play with. I'm hoping to get lots of practice in now so I can be ready for lots of baby pictures!

Update: Maternal Fetal Medicine appointment

As of today, I am 18 weeks and 4 days! I had my appointment with the MFM specialist this week. They did ultrasound measurements, verified the sex (still a girl!), and took a look at the subchorionic hemorrhage. Thankfully, everything came out normal and my bleed has mostly reabsorbed! My ovaries are still pretty large, so I still have some physical limitations but I can deal with that. The doctor told me that my bleeding episodes were "very impressive" and so she wants to see me two more times, one around 30 weeks and another around 36 weeks just to make sure my baby girl is growing and within normal weight ranges.

The ultrasound tech also mentioned that she's sitting breech right now, and I wonder if that's why I haven't been feeling as much movement as I did the week before. I can't wait until she starts kicking harder and my husband can feel. (Yeah I know, I'll regret saying that later but I just waited so long for this!)

See, still a girl! :)

I'm really excited that everything is going well, and the holidays are finally here! I'm getting ready to stuff my face full of some yummy Thanksgiving food.

Update from 3D (sort of) Ultrasound - And Team Announcement!

So we went in for our 4D ultrasound at 14 weeks to find out the gender early. The owner said that 14 weeks would be fine for it, and if for whatever reason she was unable to see it we could come back for free in the next 2 weeks after. That was a win-win situation in my eyes, either find out the sex of our baby or get a free bonus ultrasound!

It was supposed to be a gender reveal plus a 4D (3D video = 4D ultrasound) BUT this little stubborn one inside of me decided not to uncross those legs for almost the whole time. So it really ended up being a 2D with 3D/4D sneak peek. But that's OK, because we were finally able to find out the gender!

On the top 2D ultrasound you can see a good picture of my current bleed (subchorionic hemorrhage). It's the black void between the sac and the uterus lining. The baby is almost staring right at it. I finally did get to see where the placenta was too, and it's on the opposite side of the bleed. BUT, what team are we you ask?
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TEAM PINK! I was totally not expecting that at all. For some reason I kept thinking boy. But, I wasn't holding out for either, I'm just happy to be this far. Though I must say the thought of having a girl and being sucked into the girly-girl world with frilly dresses and tea parties is sort of stressful. I've always been a tomboy.

So now I'm just waiting to get my specialist appointment. There wasn't an available appointment until the 25th of November. Sort of ridiculous but I still have my rental doppler. I check every other day or so just to be reassured by the heart beat. It was worked out well for me so far. I love it. Keeps me sane.

More bleeding

Well, Friday afternoon at work (of course right at the weekend mark) I had two medium clots and started gushing bright red blood again. Just like the last time, only this one had a couple clots in the beginning. I had to wait a few hours before I could go home and check out the doppler. Thankfully, baby's heart rate was fine around 160, but I was still bleeding like a light period all weekend.

I already had a formal ultrasound set up for Tuesday for the first bleed episode that I had, so I waited until then. This time it was an ultrasound tech, so they can't tell you much. I do know that both of my ovaries are still huge.

My next doctor appointment isn't for nearly another 2 weeks. I'll actually have a 4D ultrasound before then.

My how the time flies!

Based on dates, I am now 12 weeks exactly. Lots of scans, scares, and a little bit (haha) of stress along the way. Around 9-10 weeks I woke up in the early morning to go pee, but my pee didn't feel quite like pee. I looked down in the toilet and saw bright red blood. I forget if my heart stopped first or I started moaning. I put on a pad, and about an hour later I stood up and felt another large gush. No doubt more red blood. I had thought that the worst had come, I was miscarrying and I would have to begin this tortuous process all over again.

I ended up going to the ER where baby was happily floating away in my belly, heartbeat strong and steady. The ER doc said he saw a subchorionic hemorrhage. He didn't say the size or much of anything else, but I got an acute OB appointment for the next day. That OB doc couldn't even see the SCH anymore (probably because I gushed it out a couple more times after leaving the ER). He just told me to take it easy, no lifting, pelvic rest and all that other good stuff. Which meant even longer period of time without any exercise. Recovery after birth is going to be painful, I can feel it.

Anyhow... fast forward to now (12 weeks) and everything's still going well. I have about 5 or 6 ultrasound pics I'll upload later so you can see the progression. The most recent one actually looks like a mini baby now, and not an alien!

Next goal: Gender prediction! I can't wait, and I have no idea how people can do the whole team yellow thing. That is NOT the kind of surprise I want at birth.

5 weeks 5 days

Sitting at 5 weeks 5 days with nothing much to report. 5 more days until my scan, the days seem to be crawling by! Lots of 5's, that's a lucky thing for me. So far I've had two people say that they think (or have had dreams) that I am having twins. I had a dream last night that I was feeling my belly trying to tell how many were in there. Never did get an answer, hahaha!

Oh Wednesday morning please come soon!

3rd beta test in!

My third beta was 367! Up from 148 a little over 48 hours ago. Going up nicely!

I have my first scan scheduled for the 3rd. Wow, another 2WW? lol.

14dp3dt (4w+3d)

Been a busy couple of days... well more like a big bundle of nerves. The morning after my second beta I noticed some spotting, and the next morning as well. Yes, yes... I know spotting can be normal. But call it PTSD or whatever you will, in my mind spotting = miscarriage. It just gave me flashbacks of being so happy, seeing the heartbeat on US, then spotting and eventually a little cramping and NOT seeing the heartbeat anymore. I was in shock the whole day. It took me a while for it to really sink in. It was a few years ago but it still hurts. And when I see spotting, I just get scared. It wasn't bright red, clots, heavy or anything like that. So I'm trying to remain positive. My IVF nurse said just keep taking your meds and spotting can be normal, especially when using the progesterone suppositories.

I'm getting a third beta today, 2 days after the second. I'm hoping for some good numbers.

Here's some progression pics of the BFPs... Note they are still getting darker from 12 to 14, even with the spotting. :)

One last cute thing: My estimated due date based off of retrieval day is my birthday!! April 26th. :)

10dp3dt

I decided to take another FRER and IC (internet cheapie) test today and then do another of both on Monday before my next beta. I got a little nervous because the FRER looked a little lighter than the last one, BUT I'm starting to see a line on the IC today.

It got a little darker after it sat a bit, so I feel better ;)

It's actually easier to make out the line on the new IC when the picture is minimized.

Which leads me to conclude that those tests (I bought them from early-pregnancy-tests.com) have a sensitivity of 50 mIU/ml. Their website claims 20 mIU/ml but I don't believe it. The day of my beta (which was 42) I saw nothing, and I'm a squinter. Granted I realize blood levels are present and the body has to metabolize the chemical first, but it should have at least been 20-25 in my urine by then.

I used to buy the wondfo tests off of Amazon, but after I got a GLARING false positive I refused to buy those ever again. And I left a bad review as well. Nothing worse than a false positive for someone going through infertility. Seriously.

8dp3dt HPT and 9dp3dt Beta

Ok so I was doing such a good job not peeing on ANY sticks, until 8dp3dt. That's when DH decided to ask if I planned on POAS. I was going to wait the one extra day when I said I would, but he got sad and wanted to see it now. So I just want the record to reflect that I wasn't the one who gave in, he was! Hah! AND he demanded that I use a FRER, none of those cheap internet sticks.

And... we saw a pretty nice BFP! At least I think it's nice for 11 dpo more or less.

Of course, I tested with an internet stick alongside just to compare. Stark white!

Fast forward ahead to the next day, I was able to move my beta test up to Friday instead of Monday since I saw the line. My beta at 9dp3dt was 42!! So I'm guessing the threshold on those internet sticks are around 50. We'll see tomorrow.

My next beta will be on Monday, or 12dp3dt. I'm so nervous. I really hope the numbers look good. Fingers crossed and every other good luck charm I can think of!

Dusting Off The Blog - IVF Recap!

A lot has happened since I seriously neglected the blog. I did a total of 2 more IUIs after my hysteroscopy and multiple polyp removal. Both of which were a big fat negative BTW. Big surprise there. Right before I triggered for my last IUI I got a notice that my RE would be leaving the practice and all of his patients would have to find a new doctor, which would have meant an even farther drive than the hour and a half each way I go now. So that was my big sign that IVF was definitely a go and in the works for the Jul/Aug cycle I signed up for.

Sorry to say, I've been a bad little girl and already completed my whole IVF cycle without posting any updates here. SORRY! I am currently 7dp3dt and maybe I'll make up for the lack of posting with some exciting news soon.

So here's the lowdown of the IVF cycle I just had:

I ended up going on birth control pills soon after I started my period with the last IUI. I think I took a total of maybe 3 weeks worth or so. The IVF done at Fort Bragg is usually 4 times a year, so everyone is placed on the same cycle with the BCP and we all get our appointments pretty much on the same day, plus or minus a day or two once we all start growing our follicles. I went for a baseline scan, and everything looked great. We all had to attend an introduction class before starting, which included a full demo of how to give ourselves (or our SO) the meds. Since I do that for a living I pretty much made DH do everything just in case he needed to be on standby for whatever reason. He whined at first, but quickly gave in. I'm not sure if it was the mini-spat we almost had in front of the other couples about it, or the fact that he had already raised his hand to ask the IVF nurse if I would "be as much of a bitch as she was on Clomid." Hahaha!

My injections were twice a day. The first day was only 10 units of Lupron 12 hours apart, and then the rest of the time was 10 units Lupron, and I think 75 units each of Gonal-f and Menopur twice a day. Don't worry, the meds were all mixed in one syringe so the sticking was pretty minimal and I didn't get much bruising at all.

I think I did a total of 4 or 5 scans and my retrieval date only ended up being one day later than the tentatively scheduled one on our calendar. My first scan we saw about 10 follicles between the two ovaries, and by the end there were around 20. The last few days of stims I was completely miserable. I felt so full and my left ovary hated me so much I could barely lift my left leg to put my pants back on after the scans. The term human incubator came out of my mouth a few times. Funny thing is, I was begging for the egg retrieval thinking that I would feel so much better after. But I happened to miss the fact (or maybe I just selectively ignored) that the bloating and miserable feelings would only get worse! I chugged my gatorade like a champion and ate as many salty foods as I could find.

They ended up getting 17 total eggs, which my husband informed me that as I was waking up from the procedure I kept demanding to know where the rest of my eggs were. I don't even remember that, or much of the rest of recovery. Versed, Fentanyl, and Propofol treated me very well. I know there was at least one other woman who only got 4 eggs or so, and I really hope she wasn't there to hear me complain about a lack of eggs cause I'd feel like a REAL jerk. Anyways, we had to do ICSI since I had failed IUIs, and ended up with 14 good embryos, most 8 cell grade 1 (excellent) quality.

The valium they had us take for the transfer day really helped me to relax. We were able to see pictures of our embryos, and picked the 2 (!!!) we were going to put back in. Two is their limit for my age group and the fact that this is our first IVF cycle. Otherwise I might have even been convinced to go for three at this point.

The transfer wasn't bad. The worst part was having to come with a full bladder, then wait, and then have the nurse press on my stomach for the ultrasound while the doctor placed the catheter. I saw my two shooting stars on the screen as he injected them into my uterus and got to take home a picture. It was all over so fast, almost anticlimactic. I wish it were like the Sims, where you pretty much get the good to go about 30 seconds after the deed is done. Alas, no.... here I sit about 7 days later (7dp3dt) still wondering if this is actually going to work.

For whatever reason, I decided I wasn't going to play my usual role of psycho POAS girl leaving trails of cheap home pregnancy tests everywhere I walked. My HCG beta tests are scheduled for Monday and Wednesday, 5 days from now. My nurse told me on the transfer day that I could try an HPT on Friday and if it was positive they could move my beta test up a bit earlier. But I also got another HCG shot on my transfer day, and I forgot to ask what the dose was. So there's always the chance that any positive I might get could still be the trigger/HCG shot in my system. Technically today is the equivalent of 10dpo, when I started to faintly see all of my other positive lines. I've good up until this point waiting, but now it's just killing me!

Being the planner that I am, I was doing more research into the realms of unexplained infertility. Two subjects that caught my interest were endometriosis and reproductive immunology. I know that my mother had an early hysterectomy, but she's a horrible historian and so I'm not 100% what the reason was. From what she describes it does sound like endo. There can be a genetic link, so there's a possibility that I have mild endo undiagnosed since the only surgery I've had was my recent hysteroscopy. And endo has been linked to a toxic pelvic environment. Which means even if you ovulate with patent tubes, the egg travels through the toxic fluids or the tube villi are affected, or... you get the picture. IVF would be the solution for that problem.

And as far as immunology, I was reading up on uterine NK cells and DQ alpha/alloimmune implantation dysfunction. Those sound a little scarier, but also controversial. I've read articles that claim uNK cells are always present, and rarely attack an embryo, and others that claim it could be a cause for miscarriage or implantation failure. I need to read more about the DQ alpha but the barney-style idea seems to be that the female and male both have two of these markers. If the markers end up matching each other, it could mean that the uterus will basically attack the embryo. Even IVF seemed sketchy in that situation, which is the part that scares me. I told my husband that if this cycle ended up negative I may look into further immune testing for us. But I leave it at that, because thinking any more into it would mean being more negative about this cycle than I want to be.

Overall I was in denial for a while that I was even at the point of doing IVF. I couldn't even believe we were actually doing it. It sounds strange, but the years really creep up on you and it almost feels like I'm cheating somehow. But I know that it's been long enough. And I'm just tired of having to listen to people telling me how I need to just relax, and it'll happen. If 4+ years isn't long enough for you, I don't know or care what is.

IUI #1 after surgery (Femara + Hormone injections)

So I've got the go-ahead from my Dr. to start back up on my IUIs. I told him I wanted to be aggressive since the IVF isn't that far away and I'd kind of like to try whatever I can before I shell out a whole boatload of money towards IVF. He understood, so now I'm taking Femara and in a few days I'll be injecting FSH to plump up those eggs!

Starting "fresh"

So to catch up from a few months ago, I ended up FINALLY getting my surgery done after a lot of waiting. They ended up finding SIX polyps in my uterus. Wow, I don't know how there was room for anything else. Since then, I've had two cycles. I have an appointment to start back up on the IUIs, but it looks like this cycle won't make it so it'll be 2 natural cycles then start back up on the IUIs.

I also signed up again for the IVF in the July/August cycle just in case. I'm just tired of waiting to be honest, tired of everything. Even though we found something finally fixable, I'm just at the point of being exhausted and I don't feel like playing games anymore. But we'll see what happens until then.